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Posts archive for: February, 2008

  • Part 2 of Fighting for Energy

    by catzycradle @ 2008-02-16 – 13:36:21

    Part 2
    Please read previous post first - I accidently sent the first post before I had finished!! Oops!!

    So to continue where I left off....

    Moving on to the
    Interrogator-  Although less physically threatening, they have the ability to break down people's spirit and work by mentally questioning all activities and motivations.  As hostile critics, they look for ways to make others wrong.  The more they dwell on your faults and mistakes, the more you will watch them and react to their every move.

    The more you try to prove yourself or answer to them, the more energy you send their way.  Everything you say will be used against you sometime in the future.  You feel as if you are being constantly monitored by the Interrogator.
    Behaviour ranges from being cynical, skeptical, sarcastic, needling, perfectionistic, self-righteous, to viciously manipulative.

    As parents - Interrogators create Aloof children and sometimes Poor Me's.  Both types want to escape the probing of the Interrogator and the feeling of being totally drained of energy. 

    Aloof-  These are people caught up in their own internal world of unresolved struggles, fears and self-doubts.  Unconsciously  they appear to be mysterious or detached, hoping to be drawn out of themselves.  They are loners and keep their distance for fear of others imposing their will or questioning their decisions...as their Interrogator parents did.
    Thinking they have to do everything on their own, they tend to avoid asking for help.  They need space and hate being pinned down by commitments.  As children, the Aloof, were not often allowed to satisfy their need for independance or acknowledged for their own identity.   They might also generate towards the Poor Me side.  Their aloofness might cause them to have a lack of self-esteem, social contacts, money, education etc.  Behaviour ranges between being disinterested, unavailable, uncooperative, condescending, rejecting, contrary and sneaky.  they become skilled at detachment as a defence.  They can cut off their own energy with phrases such as
    " I'm confused"
    " no-one understands me"
    " I'm different from others"
    " I don't want to play their game"
    " If only I had..."
    Opportunities slip away while they overanalyze everything!
    With any hint of conflict, they engage in their hard-to-get persona and avoid telephone calls and appointments.
    Aloofs usually create Interrogators, but can also get into dramas with Intimidators and Poor Me's. 

    Some people use more than one of these Control Drama stances, depending on the circumstances, but most of us have one dominant control drama that we tend to repeat, depending on which one worked well on the members of our early family members. 

    So you are probably thinking...
    How do I get out of my Control Drama?
    Well firstly, you recognise and become conscious of your behaviour.  Become very clear about the control drama you learned as a child.
    In times when you become stressed or anxious notice your behaviour.  try to see which control drama you are vearing towards.
    Become concious of what types you attract and stop matching their dramas.
    By noticing your everyday reactions and disengaging in the game -
    "The Fight For Energy"- you will empower yourself.
    Look at how you need to take action in your own life and become responsibile for yourself.
    Get in touch with your body.  Notice if you freeze up under criticism or questioning.  Rigity, coldness and FEAR sensations confirm that you are in competition for energy and that you have lost your center. 
    Naming the Drama
    All dramas are covert stategies to get energy.

    Covert MANIPULATIONS for energy can't exist if you bring them into CONSCIOUSNESS by pointing them out.

    The best truth about what is going on in a conversation always prevails.

    After that the person has to be more real and honest.
    Naming the drama doesn't mean that you mentally analyze your encounter....like oh yes
    "You are going into Interrogator mode now darling!  And I appear to be going into an Aloof mode " 
    You don't need to go into all the psychological terms and explanations...Naming the drama just means, that you are able to notice that a POWER STRUGGLE is in progress and that you are feeling overwhelmed, stuck, browbeaten, powerless etc.....
    Naming it means staying in the truth of your feelings and taking steps to DISENGAGE. 
    Notice when you find yourself trying to convince someone, defending yourself, feeling threatened, or feeling guilty because someone is making you responsible for their problems. 
    The very proccess of becoming aware allows you to make a choice about continuing it or transforming it.

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  • The FIght For Energy

    by catzycradle @ 2008-02-16 – 13:31:36

    As human beings we find ourselves competing for energy to get  psychological lifts.  It starts early in childhood, then progresses as we get older.  We believe that we MUST get attention, love, recognition, support, approval...the list goes on...and all these things we expect from other people. 
    Early in life we unconsciously adapt ourselves to our environment.  The way our parents made us feel and how we were treated actually has a bearing on how we as adults attain our energy. 

    There is a vast majority of people becoming aware of this energy transference and realise that one of the first steps we must take to evolve consciously, is to clear away our past attitudes, fears, misinformation and behaviour that we utilise to control the flow of energy.
    When you back to childhood you can see how you have formed certain habits and attitudes.  All family members are acting a part in the Drama of life.  You are plunged into Control Dramas from the time you are born.  It's natural and instinctual to find strategies to win energy, particularly when other family members are trying to pull energy from us.  For us to really understand what the Dynamics are in these Control Dramas you need to understand the four basic classifications of energy manipulation.
    If you have been fortunate to have read "The Celestine Prophecy", you will understand what I am talking about, but for those who have not, you will recognise these traits that people take on from the following information..( taken from the Experiential Guide)

    Control Drama Classifications
    Intimidator -      These are people who make you feel afraid or anxious.  Intimidators have the stage and demand attention by using force of loudness, physical strength, threats and unexpected outbursts.  They keep everyone on edge for fear of triggering off embarrassing comments, anger and in extreme cases, rage.  Energy comes to them because of the fear and suspicion of the next event.
    Common behaviour may take the form of being authoritarian, ordering others around, being inflexible, being sarcastic in nature, being violent or even someone who likes to talk continuously.
    Each of the four control dramascreates a specific energy dynamic called a matching drama.  The Intimidator creates " The Poor Me".  The Poor Me being robbed of their energy by the Intimidator reacts by assuming a cringing, helpless attitude:
    " Look what you are doing to me"
    "Don't hurt me, I'm too weak"
    The Poor Me is attempting to make the Intimidator feel guilty in order to stop the attack and regain a flow of energy. 
    So let's look more closely at the Poor Me next.

    The Poor Me or Victim-  They don't feel like they have enough power to confront the world in an active way.  They elicit sympathy or try the silent treatment, but they make sure that the silence does not go unnoticed! Pessimistic in nature, the Poor Me pulls attention to themselves by worried facial expressions, sighing, trembling, crying, answering questions slowly, staring into the distance and retelling stories about their personal dramas and crisises.  They like to go last in line and defer to others and their favourite two words...." Yes, but......."
    Poor Me's seduce those taken in by their vulnerability and need for help.  But the Poor Me is not really interested in solutions because then they would lose their source of energy!  They generally are over-accommodating which often leads to them feeling taken advantage of, and don't really know how to set boundaries and limits.  Their behaviour ranges from convincing, defending, making excuses, repeatedly explaining themselves away, telling to much and a willingness to solving other people's problems that are not their business.  They run the risk of being objectified for their beauty or sexual favours, which then makes them resentful for being taken for granted.
    Poor me's sustain their victim stance by attracting people who intimidate them.
    In the EXTREME cycles of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, an Intimidator will involve the Poor Me in increasingly violent episodes of abuse toward the Poor Me until a climax is reached.  After the climax, the Intimidator retreats and apologizes, thus sending energy that "seduces " the Poor Me back into the CYCLE.
    Continued in next post....

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